So, if you read part one, you know that BF and I are engaged and how that came to be. You’ll know that by the time he properly proposed (where I accepted him rather than giving him a verbal rejection sticker) we already had a wedding date, location and dress on order.
We’d also decided on a general guest list: NO BODY. I suffer from stage fright and I hate crying in front of people, so I didn’t want to stand in front of a bunch of witnesses bawling my eyes out and admitting that I actually love someone. But, I guess not all conventions can be thrown out the window, so while no one is invited to this wedding, we do have a (very) short list of people who can randomly show up at the right place a the right time and happen to sit in on our private ceremony.
The reception will be HUGE, though. I’m opening it up to anyone and everyone. It’ll be a potluck picnic in a park (haven’t decided on the place) sometime in early summer. We’re getting married Feb 29th, 2016 at St Luke’s Church here in Smithfield, VA.
The first visible bit of non-conformity will be my dress, which is a 1950’s style dress that hit’s just below the knee (hopefully, I still need to hem it). But it ain’t white. It’s black and white Hounds-tooth:
You see, I’m a bit old fashioned. One thing I love about pre-1850 or so is that wedding dresses weren’t white and were most likely just a woman’s best dress, possibly bought/made for the day, but intended to be used again later. I rarely (read: pretty much never) wear dresses, so I didn’t want a dress that I couldn’t wear again if I needed to. Here’s the thing about getting married on Feb 29th–we’ll only have a “real” anniversary every 4 years, which I’d really love to go all out for (to some extent). For me, I picture our first real anniversary as us dressing up in our wedding clothes (since I doubt we’ll have occasion to wear them in the mean time) and go out for a nice dinner. And since he’ll be in a normal suit (sans tie) and me in my unconventional wedding dress, we’ll look fabulous, but the true meaning will be lost on everyone but us. Of course, I hope that we can have dates like this at any point during our marriage since we don’t have the convention of an annual anniversary.
I ordered the dress from Unique-Vintage.com and when I went there yesterday to see what search terms are needed to find my exact dress, I couldn’t find my dress. I guess they sold out of it, which makes me very glad that I bought it when I did!
Since BF and I are Deists, we don’t have much of an idea about who will marry us. He got some advice from St. Luke’s when he booked the church and will make some appointments to talk to them this coming week. I come from a Catholic family while his family was Methodist, so he’s been joking that he’ll find us a nice Catholic Priest to do the ceremony (I told him that I doubted any would since a Catholic Marriage is a sacrament that involves classes, counselling, etc). But I did realize something the other night as we talked: I feel uncomfortable getting married by a woman. I guess it’s the Catholic-ness poking it’s nose out because in my mind priests/pastors are men. Or maybe it’s because I really just want a cut and dry, no frills ceremony and I’m afraid a woman might try to add the stuff I don’t want because of some mis-guided belief that I do want it even though I say I don’t. BF told me that St. Luke’s organ works and that we can either invite someone to play it or they can recommend someone and I was like “No. If we need music, we can hum.” Period. I don’t want an organist!
Anywho, I’ve been thinking the past couple days about whether I’ll walk down the aisle or not. Ooh! I just had an epiphany that I’ll try to explain.
So, St. Luke’s is literally right next door to our house. I can see tombstones from my window. I thought about walking to the ceremony, but there’d be mud and I’m planning to wear heels since I’m short and he’s tall (plus, I want to look “va va voom” for once in my life). I’m a little superstitious, so I don’t want him to see me in my dress before the wedding, though part of that is that I want to look my absolute best at the moment he sees me. Since it makes the most economical sense for me to ride with him (since any and all “guests” will just randomly appear at the church on time) and I was thinking of wearing my dad’s Navy peacoat (formerly my primary winter coat) over my dress to hide it (he’ll see the bottom poofiness, but that’s okay) as we make our way to the church. Then, we’ll split up. He can be outside greeting people while I’m inside puking (or at least feeling very nervous), though hopefully everyone will already be in their seats when we get there (I’ll need to make sure this happens). I’m not sure how the church is set up, but I hope there’s some separation between the seating area and the door. In this foyer, I want to get ready for him, then let him come in and see me and we can have a moment, then we can walk each other down the aisle.
You see, besides not wanting/needing my father to give me away (I’m my own woman, thank you very much), I didn’t want to lose my independence upon marriage. Not that that would change physically, but there’s something about having to give up your name that is unacceptable for me. My last name has a lot of history attached. History that I’m proud of and want to pass along to any foster kids that want it. BF and I had talked about this sometime over a year ago and he said he was happy with hyphenating, though since we hadn’t talked it over since, I wasn’t sure if he remembered. But we discussed it again and decided that we’ll both change our last names to the hyphenated one. An idea which I happen to love! We both keep our old identity while gaining a brand new one :-). I know he’ll love the idea of us walking each other down the aisle for the same reason. He may hate me for potentially leaving him outside in the cold for awhile, but we only have the church booked for an hour, so he won’t be out there THAT long, haha. He’ll live. Especially since I told him he didn’t have to wear a tie. A dark suit yes, with a non-white long sleeved shirt and dress shoes that tie. But other than that, he can do his own thing, haha.
So we still need to guarantee a minister of some kind, get some actual wedding rings (and get my engagement ring back from being resized–it’s taking forever!) and confirm that we have a photographer of sorts (I think my dad will be fine with the duty since I only have 2 pictures I have to have–one of us inside, one of us outside). Oh and we still have to get the wedding license.
I still have to buy some cheap heels so I can get my dressed hemmed, a strapless bra because of the wide neckline, and either find or buy a nice necklace because I need something for that neckline. Hopefully a thrift store or two will supply the shoes and necklace and probably Walmart of Kroger Marketplace for the bra. Given that we’ll have this wedding put together in a total of one month, I’m very happy.
‘Course, there’s still the fight of getting BF into a suit because I doubt he’ll be able to find one off the rack. He is a procrastinator!